


I can tell just what you want (You don't want to be alone)

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, but its not too graphic, but thats only in the end notes, cause anyone who knows my writing knows i love adding angst to the end notes, they're best friends your honour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27700679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Some doctors said there was something wrong with his pain receptors and nerve endings, others said it was repressed trauma, some suggested that his body had been so starved for contact that his brain only associated touch with violence, some had no explanation at all, but when Tommy's skin came into contact with someone else's it scorched like a fire, red hot and painful, causing his head to fill with cotton and his vision to blur. So he avoided physical contact, simple as that. He avoided hugs, high fives, fist pumps, made the excuse that he just wasn't a touchy person, which was fine.He'd never had anyone want to hug him anyway.Or...For Tommy, touch is painful, to the point that he's never had a hug in his life. Tubbo sets out to change that.(THIS IS NOT A SHIP FIC YOU FUCKING NASTIES, they're just best friends your honour)(IF ANY OF THE CCS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE TYPES OF FICS I WILL TAKE IT DOWN!!!)(Title from Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, because thats gross dude
Comments: 171
Kudos: 1283
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

He knew there was something... wrong with him.

Tommy had spent most of his life alone, which was fine. He'd made a few friends, a few enemies, a couple of people he might consider telling a secret or two, but for most of his life, he'd had to stick it out by himself. He didn't particularly mind, that's just how the world was for the brave Tommy Innit.

But he knew there was something wrong.

He could see it in the way that his team mates high fived each other after a well played match, grinning and laughing, he could see it in the hair ruffles and playful banter, the way that some people held each others hands, a friendly hug in greeting, the clasp of hands after a valiant fight. All of those things, and Tommy had never experienced them once, not that he could remember.

All he knew of touch was the burning pain that came along with it. Some doctors said there was something wrong with his pain receptors and nerve endings, others said it was repressed trauma, some suggested that his body had been so starved for contact that his brain only associated touch with violence, some had no explanation at all, but when Tommy's skin came into contact with someone else's it scorched like a fire, red hot and painful, causing his head to fill with cotton and his vision to blur. So he avoided physical contact, simple as that. He avoided hugs, high fives, fist pumps, made the excuse that he just wasn't a touchy person, which was fine. He'd never had anyone want to hug him anyway.

SMP Earth came around and by some miracle, Tommy was allowed to attend, meeting up with some old friends and new allies, making his own country and building his own empire from the ground up. He set the boundaries, no touching under any circumstances, and the others complied, maybe with a curious look, but they respected his wishes without question.

His enemies, however...

The first time he met Wilbur Soot, the man had patted him on the shoulder after a job well done, only for the boy to violently recoil as a result. He'd received confused looks from both of his new allies, who shared a brief glance. From then on, Tommy had always been strict and clear about his opinions of touch, and Wilbur never brought it up.

In the battle of the bridge, Philza had swooped down from above and knocked Tommy off the bridge at full force, causing the child to scream out in pain, his vision turning white a few crucial moments as he plummeted to the icy floor. The winged man expected the child to throw down a water bucket and, 'Water Clutch' as he'd always bragged about, but Techno and Phil could only watch in muted shock as the teen hit the ice with a spine splitting crack and his body turned to dust at the impact. They'd asked him about it later, as their peace treaty was being signed, only for Tommy to laugh it off as a mistake. He continued to edit the treaty.

_'No physical contact with TommyInnit (outside of combat)'_

If any of them found it odd, no one commented on it.

He'd continued to meet great people from all sorts of servers and to participate in many events. He joined his group of close knit friends that the world would come to know as the Sleepy Bois Inc, becoming an official member of the gang, he joined the Dream SMP, which garnered him server wide attention that the boy revelled in, and even participated in the Minecraft Championships, known among the teams as a high tier player. It was, overall, pretty pog.

And yet he couldn't help but crave the feeling of human contact, detesting the part of him that forced him away from others, that caused him indescribable pain to shoot through his body as the brush of a shoulder, the touch of a hand, the punch of a fist. It was always easier to deal with when he was fighting, he was already preparing for pain, the contact would already hurt him, but knowing that he may never get to give Tubbo a hug, or receive a hair ruffle from Will, or a playful shoulder punch from Techno, or a fatherly pat of the shoulder from Phil, made his heart just a little bit heavier. The craving for a brush of the shoulder or the accidental contact during combat was almost becoming too much to bare, the temptation clawing at his mind constantly despite the inevitable pain that would come with it.

But one day...

"Why don't you like people touching you?" Tubbo asked innocently, running his fingers through the wildflowers in the grass, oblivious to the way that Tommy's entire body tensed. No one had ever just addressed it so casually before, so for Tubbo to just ask so bluntly, it caught him off guard, "I mean, I know that you don't like hugs and stuff but... when was the last time someone hugged you, Tommy?" the boy asked with a breathy laugh.

Tommy just stared at him and visibly swallowed, eyes widening slightly. He'd never really thought about it that way. When _was_ the last time he'd hugged someone? He tried to reach the very depths of his mind, searching for any sign of physical affection or tenderness. He came up blank.

"I... I don't..." he stuttered, completely caught off guard, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Tubbo looked up at him with an indiscernible expression, "Do you... do you want one?"

And oh god, how much he wanted to say yes, to just fall into another person's embrace and let himself be loved but he knew that if he did, he would rear back in pain, clutching his chest through the burning sensation.

"I... I can't, Tubbo," he sighed, completely resigned. His friend tilted his head in curiosity. 

"Why not?" another innocent question.

Tommy had never told anyone about his... condition... he didn't know if he should call it that, but he'd never told anyone about it before, not his allies nor friends, but he realised, why did it need to be some closely guarded secret? It wouldn't hurt to tell someone, right? He looked at Tubbo, his best friend, almost like his annoying brother and realised that he deserved to know.

"I... I've had this thing, where touch is really... it hurts like a bitch," he scoffed, turning his eyes away from his friend to avoid eye contact, "It feels like my skin is on fire or some shit and my brain goes completely blank and staticky, piss annoying, honestly."

"It... it hurts?"

"Yeah, but it's no big. I've had this shit my whole life, I'm used to it! I am a big man, Tubbo, I can deal with a bit of discomfort!" he announced with a grin, expecting his friend to smile along with him. He didn't.

"You've had it your whole- Tommy, you've never been hugged?!" he asked, desperately hoping for an answer that he wouldn't be given.

"No, I-" Tommy didn't know what to say, it had never been an issue before, but the opportunity to ask was right in front of him, staring into his eyes with a pleading expression.

"Tommy... man you've gotta be so fucking touch starved," Tubbo said with a breathy laugh, running a hand through his hair.

"I mean, when you put it that way..."

"Do you... do you really hate it? Do you really hate being hugged? Or is it just the whole... you know," the boy asked carefully, eyeing him and gauging his response.

"I... I don't know, Tubbo. Sometimes it's really- like I see people hugging or holding hands and I-" he bit his lip for a moment, not knowing how to say it, "Is it stupid to want something you know will hurt you?"

Tubbo looked at him with a pitying gaze, before his eyes drifted down to his hand.

"How about we try something," he suggested, shuffling himself onto his knees and ignoring the grass stains that would come from it, "You know how some people can handle spicy food and some people can't?"

"Yeah?" Tommy raised an eyebrow, unsure of where this was going.

"I think that touching is like spice, you just have a super low tolerance to it, but people who don't like spicy food can sometimes eat more and more spice until they get used to it, yeah?"

"So... if I get used to touching..."

"It might not hurt anymore, and you won't be touch starved!" Tubbo grinned from ear to ear, "It's worth a shot, right?"

"I mean, I've never touched someone enough to know if the pain goes away... but..." he looked at his friend, hoping the message was conveyed in his eyes. Tubbo's smile got impossibly wider.

"Let's start off with something small, like just..." he held his hand up, "You can just touch my hand if you want, I won't do anything back. Just get you used to the feeling of human contact. Sound alright?"

Tommy stared at him with an emotion pooling in his gut, "Yeah. Let's fucking do this."

Tubbo placed his hand gently in the grass, glancing up at his friend with a reassuring smile. Tommy didn't smile back, his brows furrowed in apprehension and determination, but he didn't need to. He slowly lowered his hands, ignoring the slight tremble in his palm. As steadily as he could, he reached a finger out and brushed it against the back of Tubbo's hand and-

Tommy hissed, pulling it back like he'd touched a hot stove, shooting his gaze up to Tubbo, who looked at him in shock.

"Yeah," he laughed, running a casual hand through his mop of blond hair, "It's pretty bad."

"There's no rush big man," his friend smiled back sympathetically, "We have all of the time in the world."

Hesitantly, Tommy reached his hand down again, and the response was instantaneous, his vision blurred through the pain and he grit his teeth. He could tell he looked like a right melon, sitting in a flower field with a blank expression and open mouth, but his finger remained attached to the back of Tubbo's hand. They remained like that, and eventually Tommy could _hear_ , he could _see_! More than five whole minutes passed before the blond realised that the burning sensation was dimmer, if only by a little. He looked up at Tubbo with wide eyes and a slight, disbelieving grin.

"It still hurts but it's not... Tubbo it's _working._ "

He'd never seen his friend look more proud.

"I'm gonna be honest with you big man, I was spewing out of my ass with that metaphor."

"Of course you were, you fucking dickhead."

They developed a routine, every day, at the same time, they would meet up in the field of wildflowers and just sit, chatting about regular stuff, but the only difference this time, was that Tommy's fingers were always attached to the back of Tubbo's hand, the feeling nearly making the boy explode with the sensation. It started off with only one, but quickly graduated to two and before long, Tommy had all but speed ran the process of learning human physical contact, insisting that it would take years if he took his time, but Tubbo knew that he practically melted under the contact. Even after the election, where everything went to shit, they still met up, at the same time, in the same place. Sides temporality forgotten.

One day, they were chatting like usual, the sun high in the sky when Tommy asked his friend to hold up his hand. Tubbo did so, with a curious tilt of his head, only for Tommy to press his digit finger to Tubbo's, then connected his middle finger, then his ring, then his pinkie, until all five fingers were attached to Tubbo's, their hands mirroring each other, with both boy's practically glowing at the achievement, but Tommy wasn't done. Slowly, as soon as the pain turned into a distant tingle, he slid his fingers down between the gaps in Tubbo's hand until their hands were linked, and gently closed his fingers around his friend's. 

On that day, Tommy held someone's hand for the first time.

He heard Tubbo's breath hitch, but he was too busy trying not to cry, a sense of wonder filling his chest and almost overwhelming him and twisting his chest with such happiness and joy that he could hardly breathe. His eyes met his friend's and they both grinned like mad men. To anyone else, it would have looked like a strange scene, but to the two boys, it meant the world. Tubbo didn't close his fingers, as much as he wanted to, but was happy to sit in the field, watching the bees buzz around him contently, with his friend's hand holding onto his own.

It became easier and easier, to the point that they could link hands without a second thought, not even having to say or ask before the other would reach out their hand with a smile.

And Tommy had never felt more at home.

)()()(

He stared at his enemy with narrowed eyes, who stared right back at him. At any other time, he would have been nervous at being vastly outnumbered, but with two of the greatest warriors in the world standing at his side, he knew they had a more than decent chance at winning.

"The battle of the lake," he announced, allowing a grin to spread across his face.

"The battle of the lake," Sapnap repeated, nodding his head from the other side of the battlefield, crossbow already drawn. To Tommy's side, he could hear Techno mutter something about there being a tower right next to them, before Dream released an arrow, striking directly between the blades of Skeppy's armour, much to their enemy's shock.

He really stood no chance during that duel, huh.

The battle was in full swing, Tommy launching himself into the fray, followed closely by Technoblade right on his heals. It was a fight of skill and strength, blows being taken by both sides, dodging fatal swings and having each other's backs, Tommy's being saved multiple times by either of the adults on his team, much to his chagrin, although, he did manage to block an axe swipe that would have dealt serious damage to Dream had it hit, so he had that going for him. It wasn't a long fight by any means, but it was brutal, and the outnumbered team was miraculously winning. He grinned to himself as Antfrost collapsed onto the ground, his body going up in a puff of smoke. It was just a case of cleaning up now.

He noticed Techno's warning too late.

A vice like grip clamped down on his shoulder, pulling him roughly into someone's chest and immediately, his vision went hot white with pain. He gasped silently, but before he could even process the new found sensation, an arm wrapped around his neck like a rusty chain scraping at his skin, and a crossbow bolt was pointed directly at his head, which felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton.

"No one move or he gets it!!" Sapnap shouted smugly, but Tommy could hardly hear it over the ringing in his ears. It felt like his entire body was underwater, the world around him becoming nothing but a blur.

God it hurt so _much._

Desperately, he clawed at the arm despite the warning growl form his captor, ignoring the way the contact made his hands feel rubbed raw and scorching, gritting his teeth to hold back a cry of pure agony. He couldn't see a thing through the pain.

The pain. It hurts so fucking much. Just make it stop. Stop. _StOP!!_

Thinking quickly, and ignoring the warnings of the people around and holding him, he jabbed his elbow directly into Sapnap's gut, the desperate, primal urge to escape taking complete control of him, causing the man to grunt and loosen his grip. Tommy wasn't thinking, the adrenaline causing his eyes to become unfocused and his entire body to tremble in the red hot _burning_ heat of the contact.

Distantly, he felt his knees slide against the grass, scraping against a jagged stone on the floor, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was trying to escape. He practically scrambled away from his captor, his throat felt like it was on fire, embers flickering inside his lungs and choking him, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe, _he couldn't breathe_. He coughed violently, curling in on himself as he did, eyes wide but seeing nothing. 

The others looked on in confusion at the boy who clawed at his own throat, gagging sickeningly. Sapnap looked horrified. BadBoyHalo's expression portrayed only concern, stepping forward as if going to help him before a hand clasped tightly around his arm, all but throwing him back. He stumbled for a second, glowing white eyes staring back into the whited out eyes of a piglin mask. Technoblade sent a warning stare around the group of now frozen men, before slowly approaching the teenager on the floor. 

He wasn't hyperventilating anymore, which was a good sign, but his breaths were still ragged and rough, as if struggling for air in a smoke filled room. It was... concerning. He crouched down to the boy's level, reaching out a steady hand, unsure of himself but not trusting anyone else around to do the job. He knew this kid. 

"Tommy-"

"Don't _fucking_ touch me..." the boy growled, a certain feral ferocity in his scratchy voice that just didn't sit right.

"Okay... okay. I won't touch you. I'm staying right over here, alright?" he shuffled on the balls of his feet, budging away and giving the kid room to breathe, "Just take deep breaths. You're fine."

He was terrible at this.

"... Never. Fucking. Touch me," Tommy repeated, his voice cracking like he was in pain.

Was he in pain?

The cries of pure desperation that left his lips, ones that Techno had never heard before, indicated so. Tommy was chaotic, sure. Feral at times? Maybe. But Techno had never seen him in such a state of animalistic fight or flight, clawing like a rabid animal to escape Sapnap's hold, gritting his teeth with a tension that probably wasn't natural.

He remembered the treaty that he and the boy had signed long ago, a treaty that never really mattered in the long run as neither side ever payed attention to it, but always seemed to nag at the back of Techno's mind. He remembered watching Philza dive down from the skies, a grin stretching at his face as he rammed his entire body weight into the teenager, throwing him off the side of the bridge, neither of them expecting the pained shriek that escaped his lips. They'd both thought he'd just been caught off guard, but reading the treaty made him feel like there was a piece of the puzzle missing. Something about the whole situation just didn't make sense.

_'No physical contact with TommyInnit (outside of combat)'_

The man stood up abruptly, hardly noticed by the boy on the floor but definitely noticed by the others, who stared at him with cautious eyes.

"This battle is over. Take you men, take your items and leave," he ordered, his voice an icy monotone, distantly proud of the way the men seemed to tense up at the sound of his voice. They were scared of him.

_Good._

BadBoyHalo grabbed Sapnap by the arm and tugged him away without hesitation, the dark haired man's eyes never leaving where Tommy sat on the floor, closely followed by their allies, scurrying away into the night. Techno didn't say anything and he didn't need to, picking up the rest of the discarded swords and broken shards of netherite that had been scattered across the battlefield like it was just another day, collecting any scraps that he could use to fix his armour while Dream seemed at a rare loss for words, awkwardly standing off to the side with his netherite enchanted sword hanging from his hand lazily and shoulders slumped, for once in his life looking completely dumbfounded. Tommy stood slowly, taking a moment to rub at his neck and steady his breathing before glancing up at his allies with ferocity.

"Don't _ever_ touch me."

That missing piece was going to drive Techno insane.

)()()(

The battle of the lake ended up being a major set back.

The day after the fight, Tubbo had arrived early, shrugging off his blazer obliviously and settling down under a tree, smiling at the warm glow of the evening sun on his face. When Tommy came crashing through the foliage, he cracked one of his eyes open with a happy expression, only for it to fall dramatically at the sight of his friend. He was up like a shot, meeting him halfway into the clearing.

"Tommy! What the hell happened?"

The boy looked like shit, exhaustion in every movement of his body, eyes glazed over and unseeing, "I... it hurt so fucking much, Tubbo," he choked, "We were fighting and I-"

"Tommy- Tommy breathe, breathe," the boy ordered, unsure of what to do with himself with the option of touch off the table.

Tommy did, sucking in a breath through croaking lungs, "We... I got into a fight, me, Techno and Dream against Ant, Skeppy, Bad, Punz and Sapnap," he stared, his voice sounded raw and rough, "We were winning, cause we had the blade, you know, and we were winning and suddenly Sapnap grabbed me and he wouldn't let go-"

"Breathe," Tubbo reminded, willing to wait, "Let's go from the top, okay?"

They walked through the days events, what caused the battle, Henry's death and the kidnapping of Sapnap's fish Mars, what happened during the battle, the trio of fighters having each others backs and battling valiantly, how they were so close to winning and yet still seemed to lose.

Tommy blamed himself.

Tubbo told him not to.

They stayed until nightfall, neither of them touching one another even when the sky turned a dark purple and the trees loomed with grand shadows and the fireflies became their only source of light, dancing along the grassy field, both of them knowing that they needed to leave but neither of them wanting to. Suddenly, touch felt a lot more daunting than before. He'd managed to become comfortable enough in his own skin to hold his friend's hand, sure, but even then, he couldn't bare the thought of it being anyone else, the feeling of Sapnap's arm wrapped around his neck still prominent in his mind.

Working their way up again, it took weeks of trying before Tommy managed to brave the thought of going further than hand holding, the fiery determination that had once burned behind his eyes was slightly more dim, flickering in the wind. One day, though, they sat by each other's sides, their backs against the foot of a large oak tree, letting the bees busy themselves around the two, friendly silence filling the air with their hands interlinked, when Tommy leaned over and rested his head on the brunet's shoulder.

Tubbo tensed, looking down at him with uncertainty, but Tommy didn't say a word, a grin settling over his face, which buzzed with a slight sting when he realised.

It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

)()()(

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Tubbo asked, brows furrowed. Tommy nodded with a smug expression.

"Yes," he stated with finality, adjusting the straps over his red and white shirt, both boys stood in the protected shade of the MCC sign, "I wanna surprise them... 'sides, they'll need to know eventually."

The brunet nodded and looked past his friend, to where the rest of the Sleep Bois Inc stood together, chatting idly while waiting for their final group member. It had taken a lot of convincing, and a bit of bribery, to convince Noxcrew to allow them to team up again after the complete decimation of last time, but they'd managed it, the gang was back together again, and this time, Tommy felt like he was finally ready to make contact with them for the first time in years. Physical contact, that was.

Tubbo's own team called him over, and the boy sent Tommy one last thumbs up for good luck before sprinting over to his allies with a happy laugh. He watched him go, allowing a grimace to cross his face. He felt nervous now, the face of his decision looming above him, the task seeming far more daunting now than it did in his head a few days prior. He turned to his friends, watching them laugh at some joke Techno had made, and grit his teeth, forcing his legs to move in their direction.

"Hey, fellas!" Tommy greeted with a friendly wave.

"Look who decided to finally show up, the gremlin child," Wilbur teased, a smirk plastered on his face. He looked different now that he was outside of the SMP, wearing a warm yellow jumper instead of the cold brown trench coat he'd worn back on the SMP, his shoulders relaxed.

"How many times must I tell you I am a big man, the biggest man, you might say," Tommy quipped back, already falling into the regular pattern of their conversations.

"Yeah, come back to me when you're over 6'3," the brunet shot right back.

"Hello to you too, Tommy," Phil greeted with a sigh before the boy could object, running an exasperated hand down his face, "Why do you two insist on fighting all the fuckin' time?"

"It's not my fault Wilbur is being a bitch," the teen announced, scandalised, "I did not ask for this slander first thing on this fine morning, he just insists on being a right dickhead."

"Alright," Techno pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket, "I have the cheat sheet for Build Mart, and I assume you've all been practicin' at Ace Race, like I told you to?"

All three nodded their heads.

"Good, we'll probably be set then, although we're gonna be a major target for other teams, seein' as we absolutely wrecked the competition last time."

"Yeah, yeah- let them try!" Tommy grinned, "We'll just beat the shit out of them, no sweat."

"Let's not get cocky," Philza placated, but his smile quirked in a confident manor, "Although I recon we _do_ have an upper hand... I say, we fuck them up."

"And I thought you were supposed to be the mature one," Wilbur rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"Okay, Mr Died-first-in-Skyblockle-with-zero-coins..." the teenager muttered under his breath, not missing the way that Techno seemed amused by the statement.

"You say that like Phil isn't the most bloodthirsty out of all of us," the man shot back, "Remember that air strike on those villagers on SMP Earth. Brutal."

"Fuck them orphans," the oldest nodded, causing Tommy to let out a loud burst of laughter.

The banter continued, each member of the team jeering and laughing at one another, mentally preparing for the timer to tick down to zero. The MCC were less stressful than other organised events, but if your team had a chance at winning, suddenly the stakes got much higher. The sound of ticking sounded across the lobby area, catching everyone's attention as music began to play through speakers scattered around the area, and teams began to gather around the centre clock, players already psyching themselves up in preparation. The Sleepy Bois were no different.

"These idiots are gonna get destroyed," to anyone else, Techno's smile would look like a sneer, but to Tommy, it just showed his excitement.

"Let's ruin these fools," Wilbur agreed with a determined expression, his eyes locked on the counter.

"Yeah! We're gonna fucking destroy them!" Tommy punched the air, more excited than ever to compete. He'd made a promise to himself, and to Tubbo, before the event that he was more nervous about than the actual tournament. 

If they won MCC, he'd tell them about his condition.

)()()(

Tommy released a shaky breath, ignoring the way that the warm air mingled with the cold, icy atmosphere of the Dodgebolt arena, eyes set on Pete, who jumped across the court unpredictably. Closing one of his eyes, he steadied himself; he had both arrows, and plenty of time, but no team mates to fall back on. It seemed like the end of the line.

The odds were not in his favour.

Across from him, his enemies never stopped moving, the two of them turning on their heels constantly, weaving across each other in an attempt to put him off, but he had all the time in the world, so he kept watching. He blocked out the noise of the crowd, some were cheering for him, others for Pete and Sylvee on the other side, until it became mere background buzz.

_Wait for it..._

Pete did a double take.

_Wait for it..._

Sylvee got a little too close to the edge.

_Wait for it..._

Sylvee stuttered.

NOW!

He released the arrow, the blur shooting towards her at incredible speed, hitting right between her ribs. With a gasp, her body turned to smoke and Tommy felt an incredible feeling of pride wash over him. It was now a 1v1. They could still win this! The crowd went wild.

Moving fast, he reloaded his final arrow, keeping a keen eye on the newly spawned weapon on Pete's side, as the other man continued to bounce and dance across the field of icy carpet. He seemed erratic, but if there was one thing Tommy's enemies underestimated him for, it was his intelligence, as his cold blue eyes followed his every movement with a calculating gaze.

"I don't know nobody," he muttered to himself.

A jump to the right.

A step to the left.

A double take.

A turn on the heal.

A leap to the left.

A jump to the right.

A step to the left.

A spin in the other direction.

A twirl backwards again.

A fake spin to the left.

A jump to the right-

_'He'd step to the left!'_

The arrow released.

The victory bells sounded.

The sudden roar of the crowd burst through his ears and his jaw dropped open. He'd done it? He'd done it! Distantly, he could make out some familiar voices, Niki screaming her lungs out in happiness, Dream shouting his name, Quackity cheered an ear piercing, "HE DON'T KNOW NOBODY!!", Tubbo crying out in surprise and pure joy. He'd done it. He'd actually done it.

He turned around, with a shocked, open mouthed smile, to see Phil, Techno and Wilbur, all with ecstatic grins on their faces, the three of them were shouting in victory, but he couldn't hear them over the sounds of other people. All of a sudden, he felt his knees turn to jelly, too aware of the adrenalin still pumping through his veins, and he fell onto the floor, clutching his bow tightly.

He'd done it. 

Someone jumped over the barrier, and approached him, ignoring the shouts of protest from the referees.

"Tommy!"

"Tubbo!"

And before either boy knew it, they were wrapped up in each other's arms, clutching onto each other tightly, "You did it, big man, holy shit! The carry!"

"I was so fucking nervous, Tubbo," he muttered into his friend's hair, "Jesus Christ I'm shaking man, ohhh my god."

Tubbo pulled away with a beam, placing his hands on both of his shoulders, and Tommy had to resist the urge to melt into the touch completely, before the brunet faltering slightly, "Uhh... Tommy?"

"Yeah, Big T?"

"Does this... does this hurt?"

_Wait a minute..._

"It... Tubbo, it doesn't hurt- it doesn't hurt!" he didn't think it was possible for his grin to grow any wider, to the point that his cheeks felt like they were being split open, but he didn't care, "Tubbo! It doesn't hurt me!"

His friend's eyes widened and a similarly sized smile plastered itself onto his face, before he was pulling Tommy into another embrace, "Oh my god, big man! Today's been so great, it's just so, so great."

The only feeling that came with the contact was a slight buzz under the skin, but there was no pain, no stinging nettles, just the warm, bubbly feeling that made him want to melt into a puddle in his best friend's arms. Maybe it was the adrenalin? Maybe he was finally getting used to the sensation of human contact. Either way, he felt his breathing stutter as Tubbo ran a hand through his hair, almost immediately becoming softer, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, ignoring the eyes of the other players, who watched them with gentle interest, ignoring the three pairs of eyes that bore into his back.

He'd done it.

The signature pull of teleportation snapped him out of his trance, as his body warped to the victory stage, and out of Tubbo's arms. For a moment, he struggled to keep his legs steady, which still felt wobbly and mushy underneath him. The crown that now adorned his head slipped down over his eyes for a moment, and he pushed it up, to see his teammates stood around him, varying levels of excitement on their faces.

"Tommy carry pog," Techno announced as soon as he'd managed to get his bearings, "That 2v1 was amazin'."

"Y-yeah," the teenager smiled, pulling himself upright, "I'm kind of a god, not gonna lie."

"Great. Now you have bragging rights," Wilbur groaned dramatically, "But seriously, that was fucking incredible."

"I don't think my heart can handle that much stress," Phil sighed, adjusting the crown to his head, "But well done, mate."

"That's because you're old," Tommy teased, revelling in the laughed that pulled from the man, "Can't believe I had to carry you for your third MCC win."

The others began talking to each other, basking in their moment of victory, and Tommy felt his hand curl up into a fist by his side. Now was better than never, he thought, as he raised his fist, "Hey, guys," the men turned to look at their teammate, "Well done. We fucking smashed it today."

"What's up mate?" Phil raised an eyebrow, looking at his outstretched hand like it would grow extra fingers.

"Well don't leave me hanging!" he tried to maintain his expression of sturdiness, but he could feel his fist start to tremble in anticipation.

"What are you doing?" Wilbur asked, furrowing his brows with his eyes glancing between Tommy's face and his hand.

"Are you blind? It's a fist bump, duh," he deadpanned, feeling his fingers clench tighter.

He felt rough, scarred knuckles connect with his own and he resisted the urge to flinch at the contact, almost completely unprepared. Thankfully, he managed to bite his tongue as his gaze snapped up to Technoblade, who stared at him curiously, his bandaged fist hovering slightly in mid air as he pulled it back. Tommy couldn't see his ally's eyes through his mask, but the gaze the man held was unwavering, calculating.

"Couldn't leave him hangin'" Techno shrugged his shoulders casually, like he wasn't just staring into Tommy's very soul.

Wilbur sighed and brought his own hand up, allowing Tommy much more time to prepare for this one, with a light, almost hesitant tap of the knuckles. The feeling buzzed under his skin, and his stomach felt like it was filled to the brim with fluttering butterflies because Jesus Christ did the touch feel _amazing-_

Philza's hands had always seemed callous, but even the knuckles of his hands were rough and strong, contrasting Tommy's relatively soft palms and fingers, and he wanted to just hold the man's hand in his own and bask in the heat more than anything in the world. He'd always said he ran hot but holy shit, he could practically feel the heat coming off in waves.

Tommy blinked suddenly, why did it not hurt? Of course, the buzz was still there, the aching throb still present at the place of contact, but it didn't burn like a festering fire of destruction. It just felt... odd? Strange? It stung like stinging nettles, not like the needles and scorching flames on his skin that he had grown so used to. Had Tubbo's help really done so much? Because he'd never felt happier in his life-

"Earth to Tommy, helloooo."

A voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked up, to see his friends standing around him with varying levels of amused confusion on their faces. He could practically feel himself gape like an idiot, bringing his hand closer to his chest like it would savour the feeling in his stomach for even a moment longer.

"I-... thanks guys, really."

The soft tone of the words seemed to take the adults aback somewhat.

"No problem?" Wilbur raised an interested eyebrow.

Tommy laughed, allowing a smile to settle on his face. Not one of his usual, exaggerated grins that could light up a room, but more like a faint, genuine smile, that he honestly didn't use that often. He never really had room to be gentle when his entire persona was based on being overly obnoxious and annoying.

The group posed for a screenshot, waved to the crowd below them with proud expressions, before people slowly but surely began to disperse. Multiple people came to congratulate him, even Vikstar, much to Tommy's excitement, who gave him a friendly pat on the back. Tommy had to force himself not to hiss, the only sign to his discomfort being a twitch of the eye, to which his idol apologised immediately afterwards, which the teenager was thankful for, as he brushed it off and forgave him in an instant, it was Vikstar, after all. How could he not forgive _the_ Vikstar?

He didn't notice the glares the man received from his teammates

"Hey, Tommy," Wilbur called out from where they stood in the lobby area, sounding slightly nervous, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Wil. What's up?"

"After you won, Tubbo gave you a hug, but you didn't seem to mind it. I guess it's just bothering me," the man rubbed the back of his neck.

Tommy gaped for a moment, before his lips pressed into a thin line. He still needed to explain the whole... situation to them; he should have known that they would be confused at the sudden change, but he couldn't just talk about it out in the open, "I-... Get Phil and Techno, I'll get Tubbo and meet up at uh... at the hall of fame. I have something I need to tell you."

The man hesitated by nodded, turning on his heal to find his friends.

The five of them met under the rankings, far out of the sight of other wandering players. The first thing the three adults noticed, was how nervous the two looked, Tommy wringing his hands and Tubbo fiddling with the hem of his sleeve.

"Okay... uhhh... I don't really know how to start this," the blond teenager admitted sheepishly.

"Take your time, mate," Phil said reassuringly, "We have all the time in the world."

The boys shared a look, but Tommy evaded Tubbo's eyes at the last moment. The adults quickly realised that something was off.

"I... Tubbo- could you..?"

"Yeah, of course, big man," the brunet nodded, taking a deep breath, "Tommy's got this thing, we don't know what it is or why the fuck it's happening, but when people touch him it feels really bad, you said like burning, right?"

Tommy nodded, "Yeah... it fucking sucks. It feels like someone's put a hot iron to my skin."

"That's why you don't like people touching you. Because it hurts," Wilbur stated more than asked, as if trying to wrap his mind around the idea, but the two nodded their heads anyway.

"It used to be a lot worse than it is now. I can handle it, but it still stings like a bitch."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?" Phil questioned, fatherly instincts already kicking in.

"Depends where I'm touched. Say I got touched on the elbow, it would be like, a two, but if you were to touch my forearm it used to be like... an eight? Nine maybe? Like, Techno, you remember the battle of the lake?" he asked, and the warrior nodded, "Well, that was like a nine or ten."

Before the others could speak up, he brought his hands up with a lopsided smile, "But, like I said, it's gotten better, thanks to bitch boy over here," he nodded his head toward Tubbo, he looked away bashfully, "It's only like a five or six for strangers."

Something looked like it had clicked in Technoblade's head, as his mouth opened partially, before snapping shut again. The final puzzle piece was in place.

"So... that fist bump we had earlier," Wilbur started carefully, "How much did that hurt?"

"Honestly, around a two or three. I thought it would sting like a bitch but it just kinda... buzzed? I don't know..."

"And we've been working really hard to make it better," Tubbo bounced on the balls of his feet eagerly, "We've been practicing holding hands, so we can do it now without it hurting at all! And- and before, when I hugged you," he turned to Tommy, an infectious smile on his face, "You said it didn't hurt, right?"

"Uhh, yeah, yeah, It might have been the adrenalin but..." Tommy felt his lips quirk upwards as well, "I'm getting better, I know I am. It's just taking fucking _forever._ "

"How long... how long has this been going on for?" Wilbur asked with concern, narrowing his eyes and furrowing his brows slightly, "I mean, you've never like people touching you, for as long as I've known you. When did it start?"

Tommy swallowed dryly. Of course Wil would ask him that.

"I... my whole life, I think-"

"Your whole life?!" Phil asked in shock, "What the shit? Mate, when was the last time someone hugged you?"

The teenager glanced towards his friend.

"Other than Tubbo," the man clarified.

And Tommy came up blank.

"Uhhh..." he rubbed his arm with a nervous grin, "It's been a while, that's for sure-"

"Tommy..." Techno interrupted, once again staring into the pit of his soul through the white of his piglin mask. The kid felt a shiver crawl up his spine.

"I... that's the first one I can remember," he admitted, dropping his head slightly and looking away. 

Almost hesitantly, Tubbo brought his hand up to Tommy's head, having to reach slightly due to the height difference, and the taller of the two raised an eyebrow before the other boy's fingers ran through his hair, just like when they sat on the Dodgebolt court. He hardly even noticed the happy sigh he released as his vision blurred, that same bubbly feeling as before spreading through his entire body as he leaned into the touch, subconsciously reaching up a hand to grab Tubbo's wrist to keep it to his head. Distantly, he could hear speaking.

"He's super touch starved, but we've been working on it," Tubbo admitted, still running his hand through Tommy's mop of blond, "He just ends up like this, a mushy puddle," he laughed under his breath.

"He always gets like this?" a monotone voice asked, but he couldn't see who spoke through his closed eyes.

"Yeah. Every time, though I don't think he realises it," the boy said in response, "He was really excited for today, because he wanted to tell you all about it... and maybe get to make contact with you at some point... I know he really looks up to you guys, and he's really sad that he doesn't get to touch other people, even if he never admits it."

There was a few moments of silence.

"Can... can I?" someone asked.

"Sure, but just... go slowly, alright?"

Tommy jolted slightly as another hand slowly began to slowly cart through his hair, the soft palm carefully weaving it's fingers across his scalp gently, and it took him a moment to realise that it didn't burn, or blister, or even ache. It just felt homely, like his chest would explode with the feeling of human contact. At first, he thought it belonged to Tubbo, but this hand was larger, the digits more spaced out for guitar playing, and far more unsure of itself in comparison. Instinctively, he leaned into the touch, and heard someone's breath hitch.

"He's like a fucking cat, holy shit," the person whispered in awe.

"I just wish I knew," an accented voice stated from somewhere in front of him, "Classic Tommy, keeps all his problems to himself."

"Yeah... at least now I have blackmail."

There was a light thump, that sounded oddly like someone punching someone's shoulder playfully.

The hand went to pull away, and before Tommy even knew what he was doing, he snatched the person's wrist and pulled the hand back down onto his head, nearly covering his closed eyes in the process, desperate to maintain that warm, fuzzy feeling that he held in his chest.

"ClingyInnit," he heard someone chuckle as the fingers continued to cart through his hair, another, similarly large hand joining the other one on his head, "We have to go soon, Tommy. We can't stay in the lobby forever."

Through his euphoria, he only just managed to unslacken his jaw, "Fuc' off..." he mutter, keeping his eyes closed.

"Who needs cats," someone teased, "You just have to pet Tommy, it's basically the same thing."

"Don't be rude. He needs this," another person responded.

"Tommy," someone shook his shoulder, causing his eyes to flutter slightly, "Come on, big man, they're gonna start shutting down the lobby soon."

He only just managed to repress a whine as the hands left his head, and his vision unblurred just enough to see Wilbur standing in front of him, a content smile on his face. 

"It didn't... it didn't hurt. I mean, at first it kinda did but... it felt... nice?" he whispered to himself. The other man looked relieved.

"Thank god," he muttered, stepping back, running a hand through his own hair, "I don't think I've ever seen someone look so fucking relaxed."

"Dickhead," Tommy mumbled, ignoring his friend's satisfied expression.

"Now that we know about this, which you should have told us about earlier, by the way," Phil chastised half heartedly, "We can help you get better."

The teenager looked at him in confusion, "What? No, no it's fine, I don't want you to-"

"If you're gonna say you don't want to bother us, you won't," Technoblade crossed his arms, but there was something soft about his expression, "Phil's right, you should 'ave told us, but there's nothing to be done now."

"But you hate physical contact," Tommy deadpanned, "How the fuck could you help me?"

"That's why I'm gonna leave it to these losers," the man admitted, pointing a thumb to Phil and Wilbur, "But I don't mind helping out every once in a while."

The boy looked at him with sceptical eyes, "You're a fucking weirdo, you are."

"Says the boy who was this close to purring," Wilbur teased, only to get punched in the shoulder.

"Shut the fuck up," Tommy growled in embarrassment, but glanced down at his fist. It buzzed slightly. It didn't hurt. He smiled with a breathy laugh.

"We always meet up at the same place," Tubbo said, "On the SMP. We can show you where it is, if you want. It's a nice little flower field that we meet up at every so often to practice."

"So _that's_ where you've been going off to," Wilbur hummed, "I mean, I knew you were off frolicking in the flowers somewhere, but not literally."

"Tubbo... are you sure we should be telling them where it is?" Tommy hissed under his breath.

"Yeah! I mean, if they want to help, that is," the brunet nodded, "In the field all sides are forgotten, no conflict, no war. Just hand holding and bee watching. That's the only rule."

"Send me the co-ords later," Techno stated, more of an order than an option.

"Will do," Tubbo beamed, while Tommy face palmed.

"What about me?" Phil asked with a tilt of the head, "I'm not on the SMP."

"Oh, not you too!" the blond teenager groaned before Tubbo could respond, feeling his face turn red, "Really, guys I'll be fine on my own."

"Nope," Wilbur smirked, popping the 'p', "You're stuck with us now, whether you like it or not."

Tommy felt fingers interlink with his own and looked back up to see Tubbo giving him a reassuring smile, "We're here for you, big man. Promise."

He could feel himself smile back weakly.

His hands didn't hurt anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

"This is fucking stupid," Tommy groaned, watching as Tubbo moved his fingers delicately, weaving small wildflowers together to create a thin, flimsy-looking flower crown, "Why did you invite them, anyway? We were fine on our own."

"Come on, Tommy," Tubbo grinned, "They just want to help, and besides, you said their touch didn't hurt you, right? There's no need to be touch starved anymore if they're here, yeah?"

The blond rolled his eyes with a groan. It was a week after MCC, where they'd won with flying colours, and a week after his makeshift family had learnt about his... _issue_. They'd set up a time and a place to visit, Wilbur seeming far more excited about it than he probably should have been, and Tubbo couldn't help but notice the small twitch of Techno's lips. Phil was another issue entirely, and they'd have to set up meetings a few times a week, in Philza's hardcore world, so that he could help out too.

If Tommy was being honest with himself, it was quite overwhelming and secretly, very mortifying.

Growing up with physical contact off the table caused some major issues in his emotional development, issues that he _really_ didn't want to address head on, like the thought of touch being forbidden in all circumstances, the idea that physical affection wasn't something he deserved nor needed. It was deep seated things that would be the most difficult to get rid of.

The boys waited in the clearing for another ten minutes before a figure appeared at the treeline, getting smacked in the face by a branch as he entered.

"Woah," Wilbur stared at the field of wildflowers in awe as he rubbed his forehead, glancing around like he was looking at something magical. After visiting a few times, the view in the clearing became normal, but to someone new, it had to have looked pretty cool, with the long swaying grass and seemingly endless amounts of flowers, spotting the field in small patches.

"Hey Wilbur!" Tubbo greeted with a wave, gaining the man's attention, "You like our hide out?"

"S not much of a hide out now," Tommy muttered under his breath, crossing his arms as the older man crossed the clearing, still looking around in wonder.

"It's amazing... how long have you- how long have you known about this place?"

"A while," the teen replied cryptically, "It's cool, isn't it?"

Wilbur settled in the grass, kneeling politely. He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, "I feel like I'm intruding a little bit. Are you sure this is alright?"

"It's _fine_ , big man," Tommy rolled his eyes, "Stop being a prick."

"Tommy," Tubbo hissed with a small grin, smacking his arm lightly, "Don't be a dick."

"Well it's true, isn't it. I can't believe you invited this old man to our hang out. He's so old!"

Wilbur snorted into his hand, "I'm not that much older than you, gremlin child."

"You're in your twenties, that's old," the teenager stated with a good natured glare.

"Speaking of _old people_ ," Tommy rolled his eyes, "Where's Techno? Wasn't he supposed to be coming?"

"Well, he thought it would be better for you to get used to having more physical contact slowly, instead of rushing all in, you know?"

"Sounds like Technoblade," Tubbo nodded with a grin.

There was a few moments of silence. To Tommy and Tubbo, it was comfortable, watching the clouds roll by, but to Wil, he started to squirm, feeling intensely out of place.

"So... how do these things usually work?"

"Oh, right," Tubbo smiled, "We usually just hang out and chat, and when Tommy's comfy, we hold hands for a bit."

Tommy turned his head away in embarrassment, not wanting to risk catching anyone's eye, but in his peripheral, he could see Wilbur's expression soften.

"How do you know when he's comfortable?"

"He'll usually just hold out his hand or something."

"I'm right here dickheads, you could just ask me," the blond snapped, ignoring the way his cheeks felt like they were on fire.

Tubbo just giggled, before holding his flower crown up the light, admiring the white Queen Anne's Lace that he had intertwined together, "Hey Wil, come here a second?"

The man shuffled closer and ducked his head lower, to allow the shorter boy to place the crown on top of his head. He straightened himself, adjusting the floral headband and smiled softly, "Thank you, Tubbo."

"Hey, why don't I get one?" Tommy asked indignantly. His friend only sighed.

"Because, Tommy, the last time I gave you a flower crown you ended up with pollen in your eyes."

"No I fucking didn't!"

"Yes you did. You had sore eyes for hours! We had to leave the clearing to find a river to wash your face!"

"Bullshit, that is. Lies and slander. Lies and slander, I tell you!"

The hours went by like that, catching up and poking endless fun at each other, the two brunets jumping at every opportunity to tease the youngest about something stupid he'd done in the past, like how he tried to whack Techno over the head with a stick for no reason, only to get a face full of dirt, or telling stories about their times on other servers, like the time that Tubbo took bribery from Business Bay to take out VoiceOverPete, only to scam them out of a full stack of diamonds. The shadows of the trees grew longer, and Wilbur was almost about to forget why he was there at all when Tommy held out his hand to Tubbo, with no explanation.

The boy smiled, hardly batting an eye as he took Tommy's hand in his own, linking their fingers together without a second thought. The oldest blinked for a moment, not missing the way Tommy's ears turned bright red.

"Aw," he sighed in mock sadness, "Do I not get to hold your hand?"

"Shut up," Tommy grumbled under his breath, using his other hand to pull his bandana over his mouth.

"Aww, Tommy. Are you embarrassed?" Wilbur cooed, continuing to poke fun at him and taking great joy in watching his face turn red.

"I'm not embarrassed, dickhead!" Tommy shouted, but anyone who'd known the boy for as long as Wil had would know that he was trying to hide his softer side under loud retorts, "Maybe I just want Tubbo's hand instead, huh? Ever think of that?"

"You didn't seem to think that at MCC-" the man grinned, watching the boy become even more riled up.

"SHUT UP!" 

Tubbo snorted, but Tommy's glare made him burst out into full blown laughter, the giggling noise resonating through the clearing. In the few moments of silence, as Tubbo's laughing fit finally turned into panting for breath, Wilbur noticed the way Tommy's eyes would flicker between his face and his hands, an unsure expression on his face, an internal conflict raging behind blue eyes.

"... do you want to hold my hand, Tommy?" He asked slowly, softening his tone. The boy scoffed.

"Of course not, prick-"

"Tommy," Wilbur said again, catching teen's attention as he held out his hand as an offering, "Do you want to hold my hand?"

And there was a small part of the man that twisted in... _something_ , as the boy seemed to process the words, his eyes narrowing like it was a trick, like Wilbur would take back his offer the second accepts it, the doubt wearing down his expression of confidence.

Instead of talking, Tommy just nodded.

It was all the confirmation Wil needed before he shuffled to the boy's side, carefully taking his smaller hand in his own. And he didn't miss the way Tommy tensed slightly. He didn't miss the way his eye twitched at the contact. He didn't miss the way his shoulders squared, as if in disbelief. He didn't miss _any_ of those things, he just didn't mention them as he rubbed his thumb repeatedly along the back of his hand, promising himself internally that he'd make the moment last as long as possible.

He didn't miss the way Tommy let out a content sigh under his breath.

"You're a dick'ead," the boy muttered, his eyes already half lidded,

Wilbur only chuckled, continuing the repetitive motion along his hand, watching as Tommy practically melted under the contact, his face relaxing to the point that any walls were gone, any prior doubt was void from his posture, and all that was left was a softer side to the impressively boisterous kid, who fought wars and started fights. The warrior was gone, leaving only a touch starved child in his place.

Tubbo met his eyes from where he sat on Tommy's other side, mouthing a tiny, "Thank you."

"No problem," Wil mouthed back. It would never be a problem. He cared about this damn kid more than he could ever know.

)()()(

Tommy hit the ground hard, feeling the wind be knocked out of his body, dropping his wooden sword at the impact. He took a moment to regain his breath, detesting the way his lungs couldn't seem to function, staring up at the blue, cloudless sky for a moment before pulling himself up into a sitting position, feeling his chest heave slightly at the pressure.

"I wasn't ready," he grumbled, running a hand down his face, "Dickhead."

"Sure you weren't," Techno replied, rolling his shoulder slightly and relaxing his posture, "You need to keep your stance wide, it's far too easy to topple you," he explained, giving the teenager a moment to get back onto his feet.

Distantly, Wilbur and Tubbo sat in the shade, the younger of the two teaching the other to weave flower crowns from daisies and other random plants they'd found around the area. Wilbur wasn't the best, his fingers far too large to get some of the more delicate parts, far more suited for guitar playing than flower crown making, but Tubbo was nothing if not patient and supportive, even when the crowns snapped under the pressure.

Tommy picked up his sword, weighing it in his palm for a moment before adjusting his grip and making his stance wider, shifting his feet in the grass. No matter how much he put up the façade of indifference, if there was one thing his enemies underestimated him for, it was his ability to adapt and learn, picking up hints and tricks after even the slightest of advice, creating his own style that worked for himself. He was ready, he could do this. He waited for Techno to settle into his own fighting stance before sprinting forward, a determined gleam in his eye.

He was on the floor within seconds.

Letting out a frustrated groan, he sat upright again, looking up to see his teacher with a smug expression, "Don't get too cocky and never run in without a plan," he said, "As Sun Tzu once said, _'So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong, and strike at what is weak.'_ In order to win, you must exploit your enemy."

"Oh shut up with that Sun Tzu shit," the boy growled, dragging himself to his feet once more, "This is bullshit! You're just using this as an excuse to beat me into the ground. You're a shit teacher Technoblade. All you know is _'Oh I'm Technoblade, I do lots of fighting and plant potato and read many many books to make myself look smarter than I am'_ you fucking prick!"

All three boys watched as Tommy ranted, continuing to yell in frustration, amusement evident in all their expressions. Tubbo shook his head fondly.

"I have half the mind to-" his shouting was cut off abruptly, and his breathing stuttered, as he felt a sensation run through his hair; it took him a few moments to realise that it was a hand. It was warm and slightly rough from scarring, but carted across his head gently. It didn't seem nervous or unsure, moving with confidence, and Tommy didn't even notice that his shoulders immediately slacked and his eyes drooped shut.

"What the fuc'," he pried one of his eyes open, but everything was blurry.

"Do tell, Tommy. You have half the mind to...?" he heard a monotonous voice ask confidently.

"Shut the fuc' up, Technoblade," he muttered, not noticing the way his head moved into the touch, "You're a dick..."

"I think that's enough sparring for today," if Tommy had been paying more attention, he would have been able to hear the small smile in his voice.

"I'm not... I'm not done," the kid replied, not noticing as he brought his hands up to pull the man's wrist further onto his head, "I c'n still fight..."

"I'm sure you can," the other responded, bringing up his other hand to join the one already on the kid's crown, letting warmth creep into his chest as the boy let out a content sigh, "But we're done for today. You did well, kid, just gotta work on that stance."

"Fuc' you..."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Jesus," Wilbur raised an amused eyebrow, "He just... stopped. Thank god we finally have a way to shut him up."

"He's half asleep standin' up," Techno replied, ignoring the way his own chest seemed to contort with the physical affection he was displaying, "That can't be healthy. He looks like he's this close to passin' out."

"He does that a lot," Tubbo said with a smile, continuing to weave flower crowns like it was just another day, "Like I said a while ago, he practically melts, becomes super out of it for a while."

"I just hope someone doesn't use this to their advantage," the warrior muttered, still ruffling Tommy's hair slowly.

"Isn't that literally what you're doing here?" Wilbur asked with a smirk, "You made him stop yelling-"

"You know what I mean, Wilbur," Techno responded darkly, continuing to run his fingers through the boy's hair, "If this information gets into the wrong hands, who knows what they could do to 'im. He's vulnerable."

"Who do you know that would do that?" the brunet quipped back.

"... you don't know the people I know," he replied cryptically, and despite the odd looks he got from the others, he said no more on the subject.

)()()(

Phil was doing some last minute cleaning in the Nether Void when the group spawned into his world.

_Wilbur Soot joined the game_

_Tubbo_ joined the game_

_Technoblade joined the game_

_TommyInnit joined the game_

Moving fast, he shoved the last of his leave blocks into a shulker box chest before spreading his wings and shooting off into the sky, towards the portal to his home. He shoved himself through the misty purple without a second thought, not even noticing the nauseous effect through his excitement. This would mark the first time his boys could visit his hardcore world, and the first time he could consider it safe enough for outside visitors.

He burst through the doors of his house, seeing the quartet wandering around near his cow farm, admiring the redstone of his kelp farm, and staring with confused eyes at the baby zombie, clad in gold, that sat outside in it's small, glass cage.

"Hiya mates!" he called out, meeting the group halfway, "Glad to see you could make it, hope the journey was alright."

"It was alright," Techno shrugged, but there was a glint of pride in his eyes. Tubbo was practically vibrating where he stood, his eyes flickering around the area with a keen passion.

"This place is massive!" the boy cried, "What's up with all these farms? They're so cool!"

"Ah, my kelp farm?" Phil smiled, "I needed kelp for a project of mine. Ended up keeping it around for convenience."

"You did all this on one life?" Tommy asked, awe present in his voice, "That's fuckin' sick."

"Yeah, Phil's good at all that... unless there's a baby zombie involved," Wilbur grinned slyly, causing his older friend to groan.

"Ugh... come on that was _ages_ ago," Phil rolled his eyes, "I'm still bitter about losing that world though, fuckin' enchanted golden armour."

"Now we all know Philza's one weakness," Technoblade teased, taking great joy in watching Phil drag a hand down his face, "Children."

"Oh fuck off," the man laughed breathily, "Now let's get inside and get you all some armour, don't want you dyin' on the first day here. That would just be tragic."

They followed the eldest to his house, all four of them staring in awe at the grandeur of it all, countless chests lining the walls, each labelled with specific block names, the redstone wires that travelled along the floor and in the walls, the hoppers that sorted and selected farmed items and distributed them across the vast treasury. Phil hardly blinked at it all, heading straight for his armour sets and collecting diamond and netherite to equip the others with. 

By the time they were finished, Tubbo was covered from head to toe in fully enchanted netherite, Tommy was wearing _almost_ full netherite, if not for his diamond helmet, Wilbur was set up with half netherite and half diamond, and Techno was equipped with only diamond, saying that he needed the armour far less than the others.

"Do I really need to wear this?" Wilbur complained, tugging at the shoulder pads of his chest plate with a disgruntled expression, "It's uncomfortable."

"If you die here, Wil," Phil warned, "You'll be permanently kicked from the server. Unless you want to risk not coming back, I recommend you keep it on."

The brunet nodded with a resentful sigh.

"Now," Philza dusted his hands off with a content expression, "Where to first?"

"Uhh, what are the options?" Tommy raised an eyebrow.

"The Nether or the End," the man replied.

"Man, I'm sick of the Nether. It always feels like I'm roasting in there," Tubbo groaned, "But the End's always so cold, too. I don't know..."

"I'll tell you now, neither are as you remember them," Phil said cryptically, "They're quite different, actually. My projects aren't just petty redesigns, you know?"

"Which project took you longer?" a monotonous voice asked, Techno still staring at his surroundings with a calculating gaze.

"The End, definitely."

"The End it is," the pink haired man replied with a shrug.

Phil gained a confident expression, "Alright, hope you like the water."

He didn't respond to his younger friend's questions, instead electing to walk through a nether poral wordlessly, a smug grin on his face, leaving the others to catch up with him. As they exited the swirling purple, they came face to face with the poral to the end.

"Prepare to have your minds blown," Phil announced, turning to look at his friends with a smile, teetering on the edge of the inky black void as he grabbed Wilbur and Techno by their sleeves, knowing the two youngest would follow quickly after, "Welcome to Endlantis."

He pulled the boys into the murky darkness.

He felt the moment they were spat out into the glass box, watching with an amused expression as both men stumbled forwards in an attempt to gain their balance. Not long after, two other figures appeared nearby.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Tommy cried after a moment, taking a couple of large, stuttered steps backwards almost directly into Phil's chest. The man caught him by his arms with a small grunt, causing the kid to jump slightly. He wordlessly apologise and quickly let go, almost missing the look Tommy gave him in return.

"ITS ALL WATER?!" Tubbo gasped, pressing his face right up to the glass and staring out with shining eyes, "This is your project?!"

"Oh my _god_ ," Techno looked like if he grinned any harder his face would split in two, "You mad man, how much time did you _spend_ on this?!"

"Far, far too much," Philza replied with a chuckle, "This is it. My End project: Endlantis."

"God, no wonder you spent so much time here," Wilbur's voice was breathy, a smile creeping onto his face, "This is incredible. Do you even _sleep_?!"

"Philza Minecraft you- you've outdone yourself, yet again," Tubbo exclaimed, practically jumping on the balls of his feet, "This is just- wow!"

"Hooooly SHIT!!" Tommy's face was stretched in a wide smile, practically sprinting towards an opening in the glass, "Can I go in the water?!"

"Yeah. You can actually breathe under the water cause I installed- ohhh there he goes," Phil said with a laugh as the boy plunged himself head first into the depths without hesitation, Tubbo quickly following to join him with a loud whoop.

"What about the armour?" Wilbur was quick to ask, stepping forward as if to follow them before the eldest grabbed him by the arm with a fond chuckle.

"Don't worry about it mate," he wrapped his knuckles against his chest plate, "You think I'd let 'em in here if their armour would make them sink? No. I put extra time and effort in to ensure their safety, don't be such a mother hen."

"Says you," Techno cut in, "As you said, you put 'extra time and effort in to ensure their safety', isn't that the literal definition of a mother hen?"

"Yeah! Who's the mother hen now, dickhead!" Wilbur grinned broadly as the other released a loud sigh.

"Okay, okay. Let's go get 'em before they do something stupid."

When Philza had first dunked himself into the water of his new creation, he felt a sudden wave of wonder sweep over him, staring out into the vast ocean that he built with his bare hands. At the time, it was relatively blank, only endstone decorating the floor, but he still felt himself freeze up in shock at the realisation of just what he'd managed to create. An entirely new world of his own making.

Now, after over a year of hard work and dedication, the ocean floor was covered in coral and seaweed, schools of fish swimming around, curiously inspecting the new arrivals. There were monuments and purposefully ruined structures, builds that had taken him weeks to complete scattered across the large area, all illuminated by the glow of sea pickles and sea lanterns. He'd spent weeks creating a heating system strong enough to warm the water in the freezing End temperatures so that it could sustain life and now, it was thriving.

Tommy and Tubbo had plunged themselves straight into the depths, making full use of the underwater breathing mechanics he had installed to swim deeper and deeper into the less lit up areas, a look of astonishment and excitement on both of their faces. The adults followed along soon after, electing to stay higher up and allow the teens to swim around and explore for a while. Wilbur still stared at his surroundings with the same wonder as Phil once wore, and Techno looked like he was secretly having the time of his life in the water, treading the water slowly and carefully, his piglin instincts kicking in.

After around an hour of snorkelling later, they reconvened at the end portal, both of the youngest looking absolutely exhausted and drenched, but still grinning from ear to ear.

"I've said it before... and I'll say it again," Tubbo said through gasps for air, "You've outdone yourself, Mr Minecraft."

"Thanks mate. I'm glad you think it looks alright," the blond rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, not really used to praise but basking in it none the less.

"Don't be all modest you prick," Tommy snapped, but there was a fond tone in his voice, "This is fucking amazing, like _damn_."

Tommy had his own way of complimenting people, Philza had found. It usually consisted of insulting the individual, with an _actual_ compliment sandwiched in between loud curses and slander. Once you learned to recognise it, you learned to pick apart the true meaning of the words, how Tommy didn't want to show his real amazement and admiration, how Tommy didn't want to look weak or vulnerable in front of the people he cared about.

"Yeah, that's great and all, but we're all soaking," Wilbur pointed out, looking, hilariously, like an angry, wet cat, "Happen to have a towel?"

"No," Phil replied with a smile, already preparing to jump through the portal, "But I have something better."

"What is it?" the second youngest tilted his head curiously.

"The Nether Void."

"The Nether what? What's that?" Tommy asked, following along behind the man like a duckling, clenching his teeth to prevent them from chattering, "Another one of your projects?"

"My most recent one, yeah. I think you'll like it."

The group, once again, passed through Phil's home, Tubbo stopping to pet Pog and Champ for a moment before following the rest to another nether portal and, once again, jumping through.

"This is just the nether roof," Tommy pointed out once they'd arrived, watching as the steam seeped out from his clothes slowly at the sudden intense heat.

"Yeah, but it _leads_ to the Nether Void. Come on," Phil motioned to a gap in the bedrock floor and slid through onto the ladder, waving at the others to get them to follow after him into the black concrete corridor.

"Now," he clapped his hands together with a smile as Wilbur finished clambering downwards, before rummaging through one of his many chests, "You all know how to use an elytra and fireworks, right?" 

The group nodded with raised eyebrows. They all knew they could, all of them having played in MCC's rocket spleef many times before.

"Good, cause you'll need to," he announced, pulling four sets of wings out into the open, "It's not called the 'Nether Void' for nothing, after all."

"Phil, you're being really cryptic," Techno said, a smile evident in his voice as he took the item from the man's hands and inspected it.

"Just put on the damn elytra," Phil rolled his eyes with a huff, ruffling his wings to get rid of any excess water, that quickly evaporated into the air, "You'll see what I mean in a minute."

He waited a few moments, giddiness bubbling under his chest, for his boys to equip their elytras and, once they were ready, took a running start down the black corridor, leaving the others in the dust.

"Welcome to the Nether Void!" he shouted, before promptly launching himself off the edge of the runway with a laugh, hearing a couple of the others cry out in surprise as he disappeared from sight. He turned around mid-air as he glided, to see Technoblade and Wilbur both standing on the edge, staring out into the abyss with shocked expressions, Techno looking particularly paranoid for the oldest man's safety, but then he caught a glimpse of a blur of green shoving past the two, promptly followed by a shock of red, both swooping off the edge and into the darkness.

"THIS IS FUCKING INSANE!!" Tommy practically screamed, and Phil could hardly make it out through the rushing of hot air in his ears, "THIS IS ACTUALLY CRAZY!!"

"YOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Tubbo screeched as he swooped across the inky blackness, gazing in awe at the floating castle in the distance, "YOU WEREN'T KIDDING! THIS REALLY IS A VOID!!"

"Don't you know to not go divin' off random platforms!" the three turned to see a fast approaching Technoblade, followed quickly by a slightly slower and far less elegant Wilbur, "You guys are gonna give me heart problems I SWEAR-"

"YOU COULDN'T EVEN LET ME WARM UP YOU PRICKS!!" Wilbur cried, causing Phil to wheeze with laughter.

"HAVE YOU TRIED GETTIN' GOOD?!" Techno shouted right back, flying seemingly effortlessly, contrasting the brunet's comically jolty movements.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP TECHNOBLADE!!"

The group soared around the void, staring and pointing in wonderment at the grandeur of the project, each of them taking a shine to the different areas and platforms of the abyss, like how Techno took interest in Phil's blaze farm, studying it with careful eyes, or how Tubbo and Tommy seemed to enjoy the little warped wood cottage that homed 'The Boy Who Lived', or how Wilbur glanced around the Fire Empress' hall with awe.

At one point, Phil went to check on the two youngest at the hut, only to find them gone.

For a moment he panicked, already shooting off into the sky before he spotted them on one of the floating islands, under the branches of a crimson wood tree and sitting by each other's sides, both seemingly worn out from their adventuring and exploring. Neither of them were wearing their armour, and their elytra's were discarded in the dirt to their sides.

"Hi Philza Minecraft," Tubbo greeted with a wave, seeming overly happy to see him. Phil raised an eyebrow.

"Hey Tubbo what's-"

He cut himself off.

Tommy's head was placed snuggly on Tubbo's shoulder, his eyes closed contently, and their hands were firmly clamped together, their fingers interlinked. The man felt a warmth take root in his chest, and a small, traitorous part of his brain whispered, _'my sons.'_

"...he that tired?" Phil asked with a soft expression, settling into the nylium grass opposite them and folding his wings onto his back, feeling them ache slightly from all the flying around.

"I'm right here, you can just ask me, prick," Tommy muttered, lifting his head from where it sat, "And yes, I am that tired. Fuck off."

The man chuckled lightly, seeing Tubbo's eyes crinkle in a smile, "Yeah. Today's been a lot. I just wanted to get you guys used to the whole... you know, new world thing before we moved on to other things."

It seemed to take a moment for the implication of the words to settle in, but Phil couldn't help but smile softly at Tommy's suddenly embarrassed expression, turning his head away with a huff.

"We've been making good progress," Tubbo reported, giving his friend's hand a reassuring squeeze, "He let Techno touch his head the other day-"

"No I didn't," the blond interrupted, "The fucker just reached up and pet my hair like I'm a fucking dog to get me to shut up."

"Tomato, _tomato,_ " the other teenager shrugged with a rueful grin, ignoring the look Tommy gave him in return.

"Well, either way it's good to hear," Phil said, allowing his shoulders to relax contently, "I'm glad you trusted us enough to tell us, mate. I'm really glad."

"Yeah? You're my friends. Of course I'd tell you," the boy grumbled, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like the words didn't mean the world to Phil.

There was a few minutes of silence, of Tubbo running his thumb over Tommy's hand, and of Phil looking out into his creation, seeing Techno shoot off into the distance with a firework to get a closer look at one of the floating crystals, catching a glimpse of Wilbur peering over his fountain of lava.

"Ey Phil?"

The man hummed, turning to face the youngest with curious eyes. The kid seemed unsure of himself, but Tubbo whispered something in his ear and gave him a thumbs up, before slowly releasing his hand.

"Uhm.. _fuck_ \- can I..."

Phil let him stumble and stutter, patiently waiting for him to find the right words.

"Can I... can I have a hug? Please..." Tommy reached his arms out, his face turned away as if mortified. He didn't miss the way the child's arms seemed to shake slightly from nerves.

"Of- of course you can, mate," Phil replied gently, trying to get over his initial shock as fast as possible. The boy perked up, as if not expecting that answer, "Only if you want me to though... we don't have to rush. We can take our time, if you want."

Tommy shook his head, and swayed his arms slightly, as if he didn't trust his mouth to get the words across, but the message was as clear as day. Slowly, making sure that the teenager could see all his movements, Phil leaned forwards, shuffling slightly on his knees, before leaning down and wrapping his arms loosely around his waist, giving him enough room to move if needed. He didn't say a word about the choked noise that threatened to escape his throat.

"This alright?" a nod, "Does it hurt at all?"

"...just a buzz," Tommy muttered under his breath.

"You want me to get go?"

He received no verbal response, but he felt the arms around his neck squeeze tighter and the muted shake of the head, and the anxiety in his chest washed away. There was something about being able to hold this kid, who by all means had become his son, in his arms, to finally display the affection he'd always wanted to give him. To ruffle his hair, to give him a high five, to hug him. He practically pulled the boy onto his lap, dragging him ever closer to make the moment last longer, as if he were to let go, he would never be allowed this chance again. Instinctively, Tommy wrapped his legs around Phil's middle, clinging on like a koala and digging his face into the crook of his neck.

Tubbo brought a hand up to Tommy's head and started to pet his hair, causing the boy to melt even further, putting his entire body weight onto Phil until he was draped over him comfortably. Subconsciously, Phil wrapped his wings around both the teenagers and pulled them closer, until Tubbo was leant against him just as much as Tommy was.

His legs were starting to feel numb when Wilbur and Technoblade arrived, but he couldn't find it in himself to care, as the latter of the two landed far more gracefully than the other, who practically crashed into the floor.

"Hey Phil you- oh," Techno said, taking in the scene in front of him.

"Aww... Tommy," Wilbur sighed, sitting down next to the trio, "He's making such good progress."

"He is. I'm proud of him," Philza replied, basking in the warmth that creeped into his chest. _His sons._

"Yeah... he's doing great," the brunet muttered, shifting in order to make himself more comfortable, "I'm glad he's letting us help. You know how he is with emotions and stuff."

"Kid's tryin' his best," Techno grunted, removing the diamond helmet from his head, shaking his hair out from where it was tucked under his fur collar, "Gotta give 'im that at least."

The next half an hour was spent in silence, until Phil realised he was the only one awake, both teenagers fast asleep under his wings and his other two boys leaning against him, the silence of the void no longer as deafening as if used to be, when he was all alone. He could hear the soft breathing of his friends nearby him, the occasional twitch of a finger, the slight grumble in their sleep. It was quiet. Not silent.

He stared out across his creation, that he'd built with only his bare hands, with a soft expression, not quite a smile on his lips, as he felt Tommy shuffle slightly in his sleep, pressing his head even deeper into the crevasse of the man's neck.

He felt at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tommy grimaced as a hand slowly slid though his hair, methodically running it's slender fingers through the mop of dirty, greasy blond. Dream hummed slightly to himself, as if he didn't see the boys obvious discomfort, as if he didn't feel the way Tommy's shoulders tensed and his mouth twisted in displeasure, as if he didn't know that he hated the feeling with a passion.
> 
> "No matter what, Tommy, I'll keep you safe. I promise," the man smiled under his mask, the dot eyes staring menacingly, burning pin prick sized holes into the teenager's back, "You know I care about you right?"
> 
> "Of course, Dream," Tommy replied monotonously, his once blue eyes now a wasteland of grey.
> 
> "We've made such great improvements. You never let me used to pet your hair," he chirped in response, sounding far too energetic for how late it was, the sun long since disappeared from the horizon.
> 
> "I don't like people touching me."
> 
> "Oh, don't be like that, Tommy. Of course you like people touching you," and the boy didn't have the energy to disagree, "You like me touching you, right?"
> 
> "Not really..."
> 
> "Tommy," oh no... he was using that tone... "When was the last time someone did this for you? When was the last time someone showed you this type of affection, huh?"
> 
> And the boy couldn't answer that.
> 
> It had been months since the battle for L'manberg, months since Wilbur became a shell of his former self, weeks since he'd last seen Technoblade, who only came to mock him with cruelty, weeks since Phil had last visited, not even bothering to come to the beach party he put so much effort into. It had been weeks since Tubbo had held his hand. It had been weeks since he'd seen his best friend's face.
> 
> It had been months since they'd met up at their little clearing in the woods, weaving flower crowns and holding each other in their arms and listening to music discs until the sun went down.
> 
> "I'm all you have left," Dream hummed in the silence, continuing to cart his hands through the boy's hair. Tommy could do nothing but nod.
> 
> And for the first time in a long time, the contact burned.


End file.
